Wacky misinformation from Red Herring about Apple Computer
If Apple makes a new phone, I for one am hoping that it looks exactly like this. It features multi-line support and rotary dialing (yes!). The cord is for plugging into standard phone outlets for use when far from civilization. The iPhone would run applications written in the amazing new language based on Terrapin Logo, “iPhone-script”. It would also include a corkscrew, toothpick, and survival knife hidden in secret compartments.Apple’s company orientation for new employees even instructs new hires that they’re working for a “cult.” It also tells employees to not make contact with Steve Jobs when passing in the halls.When I went through orientation as a new Apple employee, we were told nothing of the kind. Nor were we asked to climb down a rabbit hole or to learn secret handshakes. At orientation we were taught about our benefits, duties, what to do in the case of a medical emergency, and to avoid discussing Apple internal secrets outside campus or even on campus when around fellow Apple employees who weren’t cleared to know about that particular project.
Yes, Apple does take secrecy very seriously, to the point that it can become a subject of humor. When I’d decline to speculate about upcoming apple products or discuss secret projects with which I was involved, friends would tease that I worked for the CIA. But besides the emphasis on secrecy and the intentionally humorous security video we were shown (which featured employees of the security department as actors), there was nothing very funny or odd about orientation that I can recall. I was certainly not told at orientation that Apple was a cult. The security folk did express some surprise at how unusually fervent Apple fans can be and stressed that we should not only consider when discussing secret projects whether we can be overheard by competitors and press but also to watch out for Think Secret types. As for not making contact with Steve Jobs in the halls, I remember no such warning. I know people who have said hello to him the hallways and elevator and have sufferred no ill effects. I never attempted contact because whenever I saw him walk by he was always deep in conversation with Jonathan Ives. I eagerly await future articles from Red Herring about the upcoming Microsoft Zune 2.0 player (this time with an even newer version of DRM that’s incompatible with previous portable Windows Media players including the Zune 1.0) which end with a couple of sentences about how Microsoft new employees are instructed to be sure to drink enough free fruit juice to gain 10 pounds of weight and to never interrupt CEO Steve Balmer when he’s doing his monkey dance on pain of having to work on the regedit.exe team.
December 7th, 2006 at 10:45 am
I’ve got four words as well: WHAT A TOTAL ASS!
Good Lord, that Steve Ballmer video is exactly why I loathe Microsoft: corporate assholes with bad hair and office-drone wardrobes, desperately trying to be cool. The look of desperation and confused anger in his eyes as he prances around like a baboon is depressing in the extreme. The David Brent of technology.
Not to sound like an Apple cultist, but compare this with Steve Jobs’ last presentation and the calm, confident enthusiasm of Jobs seems infinitely more appealing.
Something is happening here… and you don’t know what it is - do you, Mr Ballmer?
December 7th, 2006 at 8:23 pm
Hey now, there are many legitimately cool people who work at Microsoft — they and the problems they face in a design-by-committee environment can be seen in this video produced by a group of Microsoft designers that parodies the Microsoft graphic design process. That said, the monkey-boy video cracks me up. MS certainly doesn’t seem to have executives who can put together an inspiring presentation, that’s for sure (there are some great clips of Bill Gates attempting to barely express a sense of humor when a computer locks up during a presentation) but I give Ballmer lots of credit for a complete and hilarious lack of self-consciousness and inhibition.